Anxiety, oh Anxiety, wherefore art thou Anxiety? My inner Goddess is hunting you.
To the outside world I seem to be a strong, confident, put together mom. For the most part all of that is true. I can organize, prioritize, cook, clean, do laundry, go to work, go to the gym, drop off and pick up from preschool, tutor for homework, play dress up and tea party, bath time and bedtime story read, all in one day. Nothing special, any other mom can do all of this in a single day. The difference is, I go through my day fighting the inner demon anxiety, and she’s strong.
She sits in the back ground taunting me. Telling me it can’t be done, why get out of bed. When I do get things done she sneers at me, with a side long glance, whispering that it’s not quite good enough. When I go out in public she squeezes me from the core, making it hard to breath or make small talk with people. She insinuates that people are staring, judging. She encourages doubt. She rally’s her sister depression.
Anxiety is a trouble maker and I despise her.
My inner Goddess fights back. She is my cheer leader, letting me know I’m doing all right. She stands strong and yells back that anxiety has no place here. I listen close to her, she tells me to be still, God is with me, I will be fine. Anxiety cowers when my Goddess speaks.
I avoid large crowds. I need a minimum of an arm’s length of space between me and the person I’m talking to. I take deep breaths. I press one of my fingers and thumb together, often, to dispel the crushing feelings when anxiety sets in. I work out to exert the energy that would otherwise be left for anxiety to snatch like a thief. I take a small pill, that puts a good size barrier up, making it harder for anxiety to reach me.
Anxiety does not make me introverted or anti-social. I love people and I love to talk. Anxiety just makes it harder to be “normal” when others are around. Harder to appear bubbly and not so brash. Anxiety makes it difficult to just be me.
My inner Goddess allows me to punch anxiety in the face. My Goddess reminds me that it’s OK to not always be normal. I love my inner Goddess.